Trust is the most important predictor of long-term relational success in couples.
In the beginning, everything was so easy and comfortable.
The laughter was contagious. Time in the bedroom couldn’t last long enough. Passion was palpable. Those moments always made you feel sure of the us – and that was huge. But somewhere in your story together, date nights dwindled. Pillow talk was put on mute and that spark started to fade. You started to prefer TiVo over talking and intimacy was shoved to the back burner. When you look at the pictures hanging in the hallway, you sometimes don’t recognize the couple staring back at you.
It doesn’t have to stay like this. You don’t have to settle. When you struggle as a couple…everything else starts to feel like a struggle too. It is possible to feel that desire and attraction again. I can get your relationship back on track. Let me help you dive in to the grey areas and uncomfortable convos.
Does Couples Therapy Work?
According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, families and couples who have attended family or couples therapy sessions indicate high levels of client satisfaction. Furthermore, when couples work with a therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, 90 percent reported significant improvements in their relationships. Between 70 – 75 percent of couples in distress were able to move into recovery using the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Couples therapy is as effective as the individuals participating in the session. Each partners’ motivation to work on their relationship and be open and vulnerable in session is key. The other important factor is timing. When couples notice a rift whether in their communication or intimacy – the sooner they seek support the better.
What Emotion Focused Therapy with Couples Looks Like:
Session 1: We all meet together. I explore what life looks like for you in the present and get an idea of patterns / cycles you and your partner may or may not be aware of.
Session 2 & 3: I meet with each partner separately. We go over your history, your view of relationship barriers and major events in the relationship. I track what each individual feels, thinks and does in the relationship cycle that often times gets the couple stuck/in conflict.
Session 4: When we meet together again we discuss goals & what positive change looks like. We also start to review the roles each partner takes on in rigid/ineffective communication patterns.
Beginning Stages of Treatment:
Session 4 and On: I introduce communication skills to begin practicing immediately with your partner. In the beginning phase of treatment we work on identifying what opens each partner up as well as what shuts them down. We use these tools with road blocks/barriers that you’ve experienced in your relationship so that you can see what to do differently in the moment.
Middle Stages of Treatment:
After we identify unhelpful behaviors & communication patterns we dive in to what I like to call the messy stuff. We start the hard conversations and bring up those topics that have been avoided. We explore previous painful moments / breaks in trust. It’s important to identify and figure out why each partner is still impacted in the present by relational events of the past. Identifying the narrative (the story we tell ourselves) based on past events is crucial in changing the future direction of the relationship for the better,
Late Stages of Treatment:
As connection and trust is re-established in the relationship I collaborate with couples to identify habits and patterns that will sustain the positive changes. I also work with the couple to anticipate future hurdles and how to navigate them using the skills they have learned in therapy.
By utilizing techniques from The Gottman Method & Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) I am able to support couples in rediscovering what made the jump from I to us worth it. I help make that flicker – a spark again. It is possible to feel those butterflies and learn how to play again. Make your relationship a priority. Set up your free 15-minute phone consultation.