Ever heard the phrase – Communication is key!
Well there’s a reason for that.
Lately are most of your conversations ending in an argument? Feeling like you are constantly missing each other’s point? Ever feel like the two of you are just off even when it comes to discussing the most basic things?
When intimacy is strained between partners – communication is one of the first things to break down.
Here are three tools you can easily integrate in to your relationship to get on the same page that will also make you want to stay in the same room J
Talk to Me
What’s in a word? A LOT! Small tweaks in how we speak to our partners produce big changes. For example, utilize “I” and “We” statements when discussing feelings or difficult topics. Steer away from statements that start off with “You”. Avoid negative or universal statements when identifying how your partner may have angered you, hurt your feelings, etc.
Intimacy / Communication Killer: “You always come home and turn on the TV. You never spend time with me. You are always on your phone it’s like I don’t exist!”
Intimacy / Communication Enhancer: “After a long day I look forward to when you come home but I get bummed when you turn on the TV instead of talking to me. I miss you and want to spend more time with you and I am not sure how we can get there.”
Time NOT to Talk
Yes relationships are all about communicating your wants, needs and dreams to your partner, but there is a time and a place. Choosing when to have important conversations with your partner is almost as important as the conversation itself.
Couples often pick the wrong time to dive in to the deep stuff. Avoid discussing heavy topics right after work, over the phone/via text message and before bed. Also an audience is not a good thing! Intimate or difficult topics are best explored with only the couple present (not the dinner table with the kiddos or your aunts birthday brunch). If it’s hard to talk solo it may even be necessary to get out of the house and grab a cup of coffee to hash things out. This may sound daunting in families with a challenging time crunched schedule. Carving out purposeful time to work on the couple sends the message that your relationship is a priority and it will get the attention it deserves.
It Takes TWO
Communication is key, but if you as an individual are not cognizant of the work you may need to engage in, it is highly unlikely your partner will be willing to do much more. A house is only as strong as the materials holding it together. You and your partner need to take a long look in the mirror and consider how each of you are individually contributing to the problem. More importantly each of you should consider how you can improve and positively influence the relationship. It may sting and be an ego bruiser – but taking a long hard look at yourself and how you can add to the love and longevity of your relationship is a powerful step in the right direction.
Small shifts in everyday patterns with our partners are just the beginning to better connection, intimacy and communication.
If you need more support in putting that spark back in your relationship or are interested in other accessible tools to improve the intimacy between you and your partner – contact me for a complimentary consultation. Stop walking on eggshells with each other and start remembering why you decided to become an “us” in the first place. Put your relationship first and reach out today.